SEASON TWO QUOTES

LITTLE GREEN MEN

Student: "Are you OK Agent Scully? You kinda sounded a little spooky."

Agent: "Just dump it in the tank."
Scully: "That would be bad for the fish."

Mulder: "Before, I could only trust myself, now I can only trust you, and they've taken you away from me. My life up to this point has been about the need to see her again, to see them, but what would I do if they really came?"

Scully: "Evidence is worthless if you're dead!"

THE HOST

Agent: "Assistant Director Skinner made the request."
Mulder: "Skinner requested me?"

Scully: "This seat taken?"
Mulder: "No, but I must warn you I'm experiencing violent impulses."
Scully: "Well, I'm armed, so I'll take my chances."

Scully: "Mulder I... I'm sorry, it felt like old times there for a second."

Mulder: "I didn't want to have to tell Skinner that his murder suspect was a giant blood-sucking worm."

Mulder: (on Dmitri's arm) "How did you make the connection at all?!"

Scully: "I hope that you know that I'd consider it more than a professional loss if you decided to leave."

Mulder: "It looks like I'm gonna have to tell Skinner that his suspect is a giant blood-sucking worm after all."

Scully: "This seat taken?"
Mulder: "No, but I should warn you a may reek a bit of the sewer."
Scully: "I'll take my chances."

BLOOD

Mulder: "What's wrong with right field? - Gotta have a good arm to play right field - I played right field."

Mulder: (in e-mail) "...there have been reported abductee paranoia in UFO mass abduction cases..."
Scully: "I was wondering when you'd get to that."
Mulder: "...I find no evidence of this to be the case."
Scully: "!"

Langly: "...LSDM. Obviously you haven't read our August edition of The Lone Gunmen."
Mulder: "Oh, I'm sorry boys, it arrived the same day as my subscription to Celebrity Skin."

Frohike: "So Mulder, where's your little partner?"
Mulder: "She wouldn't come. She's afraid of her love for you."
Frohike: "She's tasty."
Mulder: "You know Frohike, it's men like you who give perversion a bad name."

Mulder: (on night-glasses) "Hey Frohike, can I borrow those?"
Frohike: "If I can have Scully's number."

Scully: "I'd love to tell you that I flew 300 miles in the middle of the night to perform tests that prove you are about to become the next Charles Manson..."

Mulder: "Scully, are you familiar with subliminal messages?"
Scully: "You mean like sex in ice-cubes in liquor ads? That's paranoia."

Mulder: "He's probably one of those people who thinks Elvis is dead."

Mulder: (on doorbell) "Frustrated Jehova's witness?"

SLEEPLESS

Scully: "Sounds like your new partner's working out."
Mulder: "He's alright, he could use a little seasoning and some wardrobe advice, but he's a lot more open to extreme possibilities than..."
Scully: "Than I was?"
Mulder: "...than I assumed you would be."

Scully: "Must be nice not having someone questioning your every move, poking holes in all your theories."
Mulder: "Oh, oh yeah, it - it - it's great, I - I'm surprised I put up with you for so long."

Krycek: "Is there anything I can do?"
Agent Kazdin: "Yeah... what's your name again?"
Krycek: "Krycek."
Agent Kazdin: "Krycek, have you got your notepad? Grande 2 percent cappuccino with vanilla. Agent Rich?"

Mulder: "Let the others go and take me."
Duane Barry: "Oh, they heard you talk like that they gonna have your ass."
Mulder: "I don't care about that Duane."

Krycek: "The US Department of Transportation estimates that over a hundred and ninety thousand fatal car crashes every year are caused by sleeplessness."
Mulder: "Do they estimate how many people are put to sleep listening to their statistics?"

The Son: "Don't you wanna live forever?"
Mulder: "Not if drawstring pants come back in style."

Dr Browning: (after Mulder admits belief in vampires) "You're really upsetting me... on several levels."

Byers: "Good work sneaking out these charts."
Frohike: "Docked 'em in my pants."
Mulder: "There's plenty of room down there."

Langly: "We're all hopping on the Internet to nitpick the scientific inaccuracies of Earth 2."
Mulder: "I'm doing my laundry."

Melissa: "Why is it so dark in here?"
Mulder: "Because the lights aren't on."

Mulder: "I brought you a present. Superstars of the Superbowls."
Scully: "I knew there was a reason to live."

FIREWALKER

Mulder: "We're not exactly proper channels."

Mulder: "I'm gonna find Trepkos."
Scully: "What if he's already dead?"
Mulder: "Then he'll have a tough time answering my questions."

RED MUSEUM

Scully: (on Walk-ins) "But not Nixon?"
Mulder: "No. Not even they want to claim Nixon."

Sheriff's son: "Yeah well, why don't you run along with the little wife, you're gonna miss the tour bus."

Scully: "Kinda hard to tell the villians without a scorecard."

Mulder: "You know, for a holy man, you've got quite a knack for pissing people off."

EXCELSIS DEI

Mulder: (on video) "Whatever tape you've found in that VCR it isn't mine."
Scully: "Good, because I put it back in that drawer with all those other videos that aren't yours."

Hal Arden: "If I told you you were a very pretty woman and I would like to show you some affection, would you reaffend it?" (to Mulder) "Oh, I didn't mean to step on your toes there."
Mulder: "Oh, that's alri - it - th - there seems to be some confusion here."

Mulder: "Are you saying the building's haunted? Because if you are I think you've been working with me for too long, Scully."

Scully: "Mulder, mushrooms aren't medication. They taste good on hamburgers, but they don't raise the dead."

AUBREY

Mulder: "Chaney and Leadbetter's ideas weren't very well received by their peers. Using psychology to solve a crime was something like - umm..."
Scully: "Believing in the paranormal?"

Scully: "It's obvious. B. J. and Tillman are having an affair."
Mulder: "How do you know?"
Scully: "A woman senses these things."
Mulder: "Huh!"

Scully: "Mulder, the man we're talking about is 77 years old."
Mulder: "George Foreman was 45 when he won the heavyweight crown. Some people are late bloomers."

Mulder: "You mean a hunch?"
Scully: "Yeah something like that."
Mulder: "That's a pretty extreme hunch."
Scully: "I seem to recall you having some pretty extreme hunches!"
Mulder: "I never have!"

IRRESISTIBLE

Mulder: "Some people collect salt and pepper shakers, fetishists collect dead things, fingernails and hair. No-one quite knows why, though I've never understood salt and pepper shakers myself."

Mulder: "you know, people videotape police beatings in darkened streets, they manage to see Elvis in three cities across America every day, but no-one saw a pretty woman being forced off the road in her rental car."

DIE HAND DIE VERLETZT

Mulder: (on toads) "So - lunch?"
Scully: "Mulder, toads just fell from the sky!"
Mulder: "Guess their parachutes didn't open. You were saying something about this place not feeling odd?"

Mulder: (on paranoid cop) "Better hide your Megadeath albums."

Scully: "That's impossible. It would take a large python hours to consume and weeks to digest a human being."
Mulder: "You really do watch the Learning Channel."

FRESH BONES

Scully: (on frogs) "Maybe I should kiss a few and find out if one is Gutierez."

COLONY

Scully: "Whatever happened to trust no-one Mulder?"
Mulder: "I changed it to trust everyone. I didn't tell you?"

Scully: "You've got to wonder about a country where even the President has to worry about drive-by shootings."

END GAME

Mulder: "How was the opera?"
X: "Wonderful, I've never slept better."

X: "You'll only win the war if you pick the right battles Mulder."

FEARFUL SYMMETRY

Mulder: "I'd be willing to admit the possibility of a tornado, but it's not really tornado season. I'd even be willing to entertain the notion of a black hole passing over the area - or some other cosmic anomaly - but it's not really black hole season either."

Scully: "...an invisible elephant?"
Mulder: "I saw David Copperfield make the Statue of Liberty disappear once."

Frohike: "Beam me up Scotty!"

Mulder: "Where's Langly?"
Byers: "He has a philosophical issue with having his image bounced off a satellite."

Frohike: (on phone) "If that's the lovely Agent Scully, let her know I've been working out. I'm buff!"

Scully: (on elephant autopsy) "...this isn't exactly in my job description."
Mulder: "Ah, next thing you know they'll be doing it on MTV Sports."

DOD KALM

Scully: "Feeling better?"
Mulder: "you're lucky you inherited your father's legs."
Scully: "What?"
Mulder: "Sea legs."

Mulder: "I always thought when I got older I'd maybe take a cruise somewhere. But this isn't exactly what I had in mind. The service on this ship is terrible Scully."

HUMBUG

Dr Blockhead: "Not knowing the deceased personally I am in no position to perform a proper eulogy, I'm sure he was a nice guy, etc, etc. But as an admirer of the man's work I am in a position to perform an impromptu tribute in his honour. Namely, ramming this spike into my chest! Ahh, I think I hit my left ventricle!"
Mulder: "I can't wait for the wake."

Hepcat Helm: "Oh man, how many times have I told you not to call it that? It's not some rinky-dink carny ride, people go through it, they don't have fun. They get the hell scared out of them. It's not a funhouse. It's a Tabernacle of Terror."
Sheriff Hamilton: "It's a funhouse."

Sheriff Hamilton: "You don't mean to tell me you think these tracks were made by the Fiji Mermaid?"
Scully: "Do you recall what Barnum said about suckers?!"

Mr Nutt: "I've taken in your all-American features, your dour demeanour, your unimaginative neck-tie design, and concluded that you work for the government. An FBI agent. But do you see the tragedy here? I have mistakenly reduced you to a stereotype, a caricature, instead of regarding you as a specific, unique individual."
Mulder: "But I am an FBI agent."

Lanny: "Mr Nutt, the kind-hearted manager here, convinced me that to make a living by publicly displaying my deformity lacked dignity. So now I carry other people's luggage."

Lanny: "Sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite. No, no that, that's not what I meant, I - I didn't mean to imply that we have bed bugs, I - I meant to say don't let, don't let the..."
Mulder: "The Fiji mermaid bite."
Lanny: "Yes, that's right, the Fiji mermaid, that's right."

Sheriff Hamilton: "Why didn't the attacker just come through the open door?"

Dr Blockhead: "How many people do you know that can get out of a straight-jacket in under 3 minutes?"
Scully: "Fortunately, none."

Dr Blockhead: (on Conundrum) "He knows between show snacks'll ruin his appetite."
Mulder: "I could be mistaken, maybe it was another bald headed jigsaw puzzled tattooed naked guy I saw."

Dr Blockhead: "For instance, did you know that through the protective Chinese practice of Tubu Shon, you can train your testicles to drop into your abdomen?"
Mulder: "I'm doing that as we speak."

Mr Nutt: "Not all women are attracted to overly tall, lanky men such as yourself. You'd be surprised how many women find my size intriguingly alluring."
Mulder: "You'd be surprised how many men do as well."

Mulder: "We're exhuming - your potato."

Scully: "That doesn't quite explain the potato."
Sheriff Hamilton: "I got some warts on my hand."
Mulder: "That doesn't quite explain the potato."

Dr Blockhead: (on hooks) "If people knew the true price of spirituality, there'd be more atheists."

Dr Blockhead: (to Lanny) "So your twin - can ah, - and then - what an act!"

The Conundrum: "Probably something I ate."

Dr Blockhead: "Nature abhors normality, you can't go very long without creating a mutant. Do you know why?"
Scully: "No, why?"
Dr Blockhead: "I don't either, it's a mystery. Maybe some mysteries are never meant to be solved."

THE CALUSARI

Mulder: (on balloon) "The one thing I did learn in kindergarten is that when you let them go they float up, up and away, but you see this is moving away from him, horizontally."
Scully: "Well did you learn about wind in kindergarten?"

Scully: "Have you ever heard of Munchausen by proxy?"
Mulder: "Yeah, my grandfather used to take that for his stomach."

Chuck: "In 1979, I witnessed a guru named Sybaba creat an entire feast out of thin air."
Scully: "Too bad you didn't take a picture, you could've run it through your computer and seen the entire last supper."

Mulder: "It was physically impossible for the kid to reach round and free himself, so unless he were the reincarnation of Houdini - and that would be an X-File in itself."

F. EMASCULATA

Scully: "According to the briefing, the prisoners escaped while hiding in a laundry cart."
Mulder: "I don't think the guards are watching enough prison movies."

SOFT LIGHT

Det. Ryan: "Agent Scully what are you looking at?"
Scully: "Ah, the heat-register."
Det. Ryan: "You don't think anyone could have squeezed in there?!"
Mulder: "You never know!"

Mulder: "Check this out. The newest tool in the fight against crime. 45.95 at your local hardware store."
Scully: "Neat trick. For your birthday I'll buy you a utility belt."

Mulder: "What's he doing?"
Scully: "Looking at the floor."
Mulder: "Why's he doing that?"
Scully: "Probably the same reason he spends his whole afternoon in the train station."

Scully: "Nonsensical repetitive behaviour is a common trait of mental illness."
Mulder: "You trying to tell me something?"

Mulder: "Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you Scully."

OUR TOWN

Scully: "She claimed that she saw some kind of a fox-fire spirit. I'm surprised she didn't call Oprah as soon as she got off the phone with the police."

Mulder: "If the fool would persist in his folly, he would become wise, Scully."

Scully: "I just came up with a sick theory Mulder."
Mulder: "Ooh, I'm listening!"

Chaco Chicken slogan: "Good People, Good Food!"

ANASAZI

Mulder: "You boys been defacing library books again?"

Frohike: "Wierdness."

The Thinker: "I-I don't want you to know my real name, I-I just don't think it's important that you know."
Mulder: "Sounds like a line I used in a bar once."

Scully: "Where did you get this?"
Mulder: "Your friendly neighbourhood anarchist."

Albert Hosteen: "You're lucky she's a good shot."
Mulder: "Or a bad one!"

Mulder: (to Scully) "Thank you. Thank you for taking care of me."

Albert Hosteen: "Nothing disappears without a trace."

CSM: "Where are you?"
Mulder: "I'm at the Betty Ford centre, where are you?"