SEASON ONE

PILOT

Scully: "The answers are there, you just have to know where to look."
Mulder: "That's why they put the I in FBI."

Scully: (knock at the door) "Who is it?"
Mudler: "Steven Spielberg."

Scully: "Time can't just disapear, it - it's a universal invariant!"
Mulder: "Not in this zip-code."

DEEP THROAT

Mulder: (on photo) "Put it on my tab."
Scully: "Sucker."

Scully: "Mulder, did you see their eyes? If I were that stoned..."
Mulder: "Ooh, if you were that stoned what?!"
Scully: "Mulder, you could have shown that kid a picture of a flying hamburger and he would have told you that's exactly what he saw!"

Mulder: "Tell me I'm crazy."
Scully: "Mulder, you're crazy."

Mulder: "You didn't come to raid my mini-bar did you?"

Mulder: "They're here, aren't they?"
Deep Throat: "Mr Mulder, they have been here for a long, long time."

SQUEEZE

Scully: "Mulder's ideas may be 'out there' but he is a great agent."

Mulder: "Why would I make them uncomfortable?"
Scully: "It probably has to do with your reputation."
Mulder: "Reputation? I have a reputation?"
Scully: "Mulder look, Colton plays by the book and you don't. They feel your methods, your theories, are..."
Mulder: "Spooky? - Do you think I'm spooky?"

Mulder: " You said green men. The Reticulan skin tone is actually grey. They're notorious for their extraction of terrestial livers, due to iron depletion in the Reticulan galaxy."
Colton: "You can't be serious."
Mulder: "Do you have any idea what liver and onions go for in Reticula?"

Mulder: (on suspect) "He should stick out in a crowd with ten inch fingers."

Agent: (to Scully) "You're welcome to come on board with us, that's if you don't mind working in an area that's a bit more down to earth."

Scully: "It begins with one family member, who raises an offspring, who raises the next child..."
Mulder: "So what is this, the anti-Waltons?!"

Mulder: "If we don't get him right now, the next chance we're gonna get is in...er..."
Scully: "2023."
Mulder: "And you're gonna be head of the Bureau by then."

Scully: "Oh my God, Mulder, it smells like - I think it's bile."
Mulder: "Is there any way I can get it off my fingers quickly without betraying my cool exterior?"

Colton: "Look Dana, who's side are you on?"
Scully: "The victim's."

Scully: "Is this what it takes to climb the ladder Colton?"
Colton: "All the way to the top."
Scully: "Then I can't wait till you fall off and land on your ass!"

Mulder: "All these people putting bars on their windows, spending good money on high-tech security systems, trying to feel safe - I look at this guy, and think - it ain't enough."

CONDUIT

Scully: "Well, what makes this case any more credible than the hundred year old mother with the lizard baby?!"

Scully: "I just think it's a good idea not to antagonise local law enforcement."
Mulder: "Who me? I'm Mr Congeniality."

Mulder: (on tattoo)"You don't really believe in that stuff do you?"
Barman: "I take it you don't?"
Mulder: "No, I think it's just a bunch of crazy people howling at the moon."

THE JERSEY DEVIL

Mulder: "This woman claims to have been taken on board a spaceship and held in an anti-gravity chamber without food and water for three days."
Scully: "Anti-gravity is right!"

Mulder: (on folktale) "I heard the same story when I was a kid too. Funny thing is, I believed it!"

Mulder: "Where are you sleeping tonight?"
Homeless guy: "You're standing in my bedroom."

Scully: "Well, it's not hard to see why they mistook you for a vagrant!"

Scully: "Unlike you Mulder, I would like to have a life!"
Mulder: "I have a life!"

Rob: "So, can I ask about the case you're working on, or can't you say?"
Scully: "I - I don't think it's a case we should discuss over dinner."

Mulder: "Don't you have a life Scully?"
Scully: "Keep that up Mulder and I'll hurt you like that beast woman."
Mulder: "Eight million years out of Africa."
Scully: "And look who's holding the door."

SHADOWS

Mulder: "I would never lie. I willfully participated in a campaign of mis-information."

Scully: "Are you saying Lauren Kyte crashed our car?"
Mulder: Either that, or a poltergeist."
Scully: "They're he-re!"

Scully: "How can an oesophagus be crushed without the neck ever being touched?"
Mulder: "Psycho-kinetic manipulation."
Scully: "Psycho-kinesis? You mean how Carrie got even at the prom?"

Mulder: "Do you know how difficult it is to fake your own death? Only one man has pulled it off - Elvis!"

Mulder: "You won't see many secretaries at their boss's grave who aren't dancing on it."

Mulder: "Boy, she's in a rush to get outta here."
Scully: "Outta here, or away from the ghost of Howard Graves?"

Mulder: "Hey Scully do you believe in an afterlife?"
Scully: "I'd settle for a life in this one."

GHOST IN THE MACHINE

Scully: "How come you two went your separate ways?"
Mulder: "I'm a pain in the ass to work with."
Scully: "Seriously Mulder."
Mulder: "You mean I'm not a pain in the ass?!"

Scully: (on talking elevator) "Must be for the visually impaired."
Mulder: "How do you like that, a politically correct elevator."

Mulder: "I'm just looking for my profile notes."
Scully: "Maybe if you cleaned your desk more than once a year..."

ICE

Mulder: "Before anyone passes judgement, may I remind you, we are in the Artic."

Mulder: "We were told we'd have 3 clear days of weather."
Operator: "Welcome to the top of the world, Sir."

SPACE

Mulder: "You never wanted to be an astronaut when you were a kid, Scully?"
Scully: "Guess I missed that phase."

Mulder: "...to deny us evidence."
Scully: "Evidence of what?"
Mulder: "Alien civilisations."
Scully: "Ah, of course."

Mulder: "I have to admit I've fulfilled one of my boyhood fantasies."
Scully: "Yeah, it ranks right up there with getting a pony and learning how to braid my own hair!"

FALLEN ANGEL

Scully: "My assignment was to bring you back, not help you dig yourself deeper."
Mulder: "The last detail, starring Dana Scully."

Radar operator: "Well Sir, the 'meteor' seems to be hovering over a small town in East Wisconsin."

Deep Throat: "Always keep your friends close, Mr McGrath, but keep your enemies closer."

Mulder: "Then what can I say? How can I disprove lies that are stamped with an official seal? You can deny all the things I've seen, all the things I've discovered, but not for much longer, because too many others know what's happening out there, and no-one, no government agency has jurisdiction over the truth."

EVE

Mulder: "One girl was just abducted."
Scully: "Kidnapped."
Mulder: "Potato, potahto."

Scully: "Mulder, you're rushing me out of the room."
Mulder: "No I'm not."
Scully: "Do you have a girl coming over?"
Mulder: "What's a girl? I've got a movie I wanna watch on TV. Sleep tight. I'll see you in the morning."

Mulder: "SCULLY!"
Scully: "What?"
Mulder: "Scully. Just wanted to open the car door for ya."

FIRE

Scully: "I forgot what it was like to spend a day in court."
Mulder: "Now that's one of the luxuries to hunting down aliens and genetic mutants. You rarely get to press charges."

Mulder: (on car) "That's wierd, I'm sure I locked it."
Scully: "Must be an X-File."

Scully: "Mulder, you just keep unfolding like a flower."
Mulder: "I was merely extending her a professional courtesy."
Scully: "Oh, is that what you were extending?!"

BEYOND THE SEA

Scully: "Last time you were that engrossed it turned out you were reading the adult video news."

Mulder: "Open yourself up to extreme possibilities, only when they're the truth."

Mulder: "Dana, after all you've seen, after all the evidence, why can't you believe?"
Scully: "I'm afraid. I'm afraid to believe."
Mulder: "And you couldn't face that fear, even if it meant never knowing what your father wanted to tell you?"
Scully: "But I do know."
Mulder: "How?"
Scully: "He was my father."

GENDERBENDER

Scully: "So what is our profile of the killer? Indeterminate height, weight, sex - unarmed, but extremely attractive?!"

Scully: "There's something up there Mulder."
Mulder: "Oh, I've been saying that for years."

Mulder: "The Addams family finds religion."
Scully: "Take me back to the 20th century."

Mulder: "I'm gonna go for a little 'look-see'."

LAZARUS

Professor Varnes: "...until one day, he strangled his wife with a telephone cord."
Mulder: "That's a nice story."

Scully: "I don't discount the near-death experience because it can be explained impericably by stimulation of the temporal lobe."
Mulder: "I sense a big 'but' coming."

Mulder: "And for those of you who don't know already, this one's important to me, so - let's do it right."

YOUNG AT HEART

Scully: "I still don't get it, what does this have to do with us?"
Mulder: "Robbing a jewellery store is a Federal crime."
Scully: "Thankyou!"

Scully: "You mean the ghost of John Barnett."
Mulder: "I didn't know you believed in ghosts, Scully."

E.B.E.

Scully: "It's a natural phenomenon in which phosphane & methane rising from decaying organic matter ignite, causing globes of blue flame."
Mulder: "Happens to me when I eat Diger Dogs."

Byers: "He's been put into power by the most heinous and evil force of the 20th century."
Mulder: "Barney?!"

Langly: "Is this your sceptical partner?"
Frohike: "She's hot."

Langly: "Yeah, UFOs caused the Gulf War Syndrome, that's a good one."
Byers: "That's why we like you Mulder, your ideas are wierder than ours."

Scully: "Those were the most paranoid people I have ever met. I Don't know how you could think anything they say is even remotely plausible."
Mulder: "I think it's remotely plausible that someone might think you're hot!"

Scully: "Mulder, the truth is out there, but so are lies."

Mulder: "I don't speak Japanese but I think some business man told me to stick a piece of sushi where the sun don't shine!"

Deep Throat: "Mulder, if a shark stops swimming it will die. Don't stop swimming."

Mulder: "I'm wondering which lie to believe."

MIRACLE MAN

Mulder: "I think I saw some of these same people at Woodstock."
Scully: "Mulder, you weren't at Woodstock."
Mulder: "I saw the movie."

Scully: "Maybe we should head backstage and see what the Reverend has to say.."
Mulder: "No, wait, wait, this is the part where they bring out Elvis!"

Scully: "So what's next, slaying of the first born?"

Scully: "I was raised a Catholic, and I have a certain, familiarity with the scripture, and God never lets the devil steal the show."
Mulder: "You must have really loved the Exorcist."
Scully: "One of my favorite movies!"

Scully: "Imagine a miracle and you're halfway there."

Scully: (doing autopsy) "Mulder, take a look at this."
Mulder: "Do I have to?"

Scully: "You've got that look on your face, Mulder."
Mulder: "What look is that?"
Scully: "The kind when you've lost your keys and you're trying to figure out how to get back into the house."

Scully: "What exactly are we looking for?"
Mulder: "Clues."
Scully: "- Oh."

Scully: "I think people are looking hard for miracles, so hard that maybe they make themselves see what they want to see."

SHAPES

Lyle Parker: "It gave me the creeps."
Scully: "The creeps."
Parker: "Yeah. The creeps. Don't you ever get the creeps?"
Scully: "?!"

Ish: "You even have an Indian name, Fox. You should be Running Fox, or Sneaky Fox."
Mulder: "Just as long as it's not Spooky Fox."

DARKNESS FALLS

Mulder: "Rugged manly men, in the full bloom of their manhood!"

Mulder: (on picture) "Anything strange, unexplainable, unlikely - boyfriend?"

Scully: "And you suspect what, Bigfoot?"
Mulder: "Not likely. That's a lot of flannel to be choking down, even for Bigfoot. Come on Scully, it'll be a nice trip to the forest."

Mulder: "I think I'm gonna suggest we sleep with the lights on."

Mulder: "There's actually this lake where they've discovered a kind of amoeba that can literally suck out a man's brain."
Scully: "Oh, brain-sucking amoebae!"

Spinney: "Maybe they've been lying there dormant for hundreads of years. Maybe they woke up hungry."

TOOMS

Detective Biggs: "Differentiate. You mean he guesses."
Scully: " - Well, it's an educated guess."

Mulder: "Excuse me, could you help me find me dog? He's a Norwegian Elkhound. His name is Heinrick. I use him to hunt moose!"

Mulder: "You can get the next mutant!"

BORN AGAIN

Scully: "Do me a favour Mulder, let me say it: 'Reincarnation!'"

Scully: "Ah, pathologists are paranoid by nature."

ROLAND

Mulder: "How was the wedding?"
Scully: "You mean the part where the groom passed out or the dog bit the drummer?"
Mulder: "Did you catch the bouquet?"
Scully: "Maybe!"

Scully: (on car crash photo) "By the look of this, he's hamburger!"

Scully: "Wouldn't your client find it somewhat inconvenient to be thawed out in the future only to discover he had no functional mobility?"

THE ERLENMEYER FLASK

Mulder: (on Deep Throat) "Do you think he does it because he gets off on it?"
Scully: "No, I think he does it because you do."

Mulder: "My mother usually likes me home before the street lights come on."

Scully: (holding flask) "Ok Mulder, but I'm warning you; if this is monkey pee, you're on your own."

Scully: "I should know by now to trust your instincts."
Mulder: "Why, nobody else does!"

Crewcut man: "Your cellular phone's been ringing off the hook."
Mulder: "I'm a popular guy"