This is pretty funny, at least it is if you're from Nottingham and you recognise the phrases. Anyone who isn't local might find it a bit bizarre :)

Gerront kawzi - Please keep to the pavement.
Ayyup midduck - Good morning.
Mek it g'bakkuds - Put it in reverse.
Innit cowd - It is rather chilly today.
Arkattit - Listen to the rain.
Wotsup? - Is anything amiss?
Gerroff - Please go away.
Oo worree wee? - Who was he with?
Worree wee iz-sen? - Was he alone?
Aya masht midduck? - Have you made the tea, dear?
Gizzarfonnitt - Please share it with me.
Wiggorn ev uz dinnuz - We are about to take lunch.
Y'alluz wanna gerra susstifikut - You should always obtain a certificate.
Aya gorra weeya? - Is your wife with you?
Ghee ovver - Please desist.
Atode im eekudd pleez izzen - The decision was his.
Yowl koppitt - I fear you will be in trouble.
Gerrup yo, elsal bat yatabb - Get up, or I may use violence.
Kanni cum anorl? - May I accompany you?
Thiz summat up wee im - I fear he may be ill.
Ez ee sed owt? - Did he say anything?
Ant yer gorrote? - Didn't you get anything?
Ittle norrotcha - It is quite painless.
Yerwott? - I beg your pardon?
Gerrit dern yer - Eat up.
Ah've gone an dottied missen - I have soiled my hands.
Ayupp sorry - Hello there.
Did it fritten yer? - Were you alarmed?
Shurrup - Please be quiet.
Wottyer gerrin? - What purchases are you about to make?
Ah've podged missen - I have sufficient to eat, thank you.
Yant gorrenny woss, ayyer? - Has your condition deteriorated?
Sorl yer gerrin - That is your share.
Ah've ott missen - I am in considerable pain.
E dossent purriz ed under watter - He is afraid of swimming.
Ah don't know nowt abaht it - I am innocent.
Gizzah swag - Please may I have a drink.
Yowl gerrovver it - You will recover.
Don't knock yersen up - Do not distress yourself.
Gerroff om - Please leave us alone.
E wants sum ossmuck inniz boots - He is rather small in stature.
Gerrum yersen - Please help yourself.
Yowl kummorf wust - I fear you cannot win.
Am om - I have arrived home safely.
Ittim wiyer poss - Use your handbag for self-defence.
Ittle norrot note - It cannot harm anything.
Yer moant purrit ovver theyer - Please do not place anything there.
Izz not gooin ter wock terday - He has withdrawn his labour.
Tint woth it - It is hardly worthy of consideration.
Gizzit ere - Please pass it to me.
Will yer wacken yersen up? - It is time to arise.
Waira booza - Can you tell me where the hostelry is?
Meks yer tabs laf - My! This sauce is tangy.

I actually use quite a few of them, I'm ashamed to say. By the way, I didn't compile this list myself. I don't know where it came from, but I'm glad I kept my copy.